The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
