marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
