I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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