I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
