I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Fuck appropriateness.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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