I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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