from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
