either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm passing your future prison.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
