I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
