where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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