just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
