At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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