That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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