This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
