things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
