Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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