he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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