DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
