Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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