Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
