someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
