Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize