the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
