I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
