she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize