Just fell off a train. Bad.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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