no, he came in my armpit
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
