cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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