Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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