I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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