Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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