Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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