we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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