Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
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you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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