11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
