found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
