You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
