I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
