Don't make out with my wife yet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
