God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
