A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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