So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
