haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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