After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
