He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
These tits shall not be calmed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
