so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
