I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
