I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
