so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize