I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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