yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
