my phone needs a breathalizer
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize