walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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