Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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