3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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