she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
