Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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