We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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