Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
