I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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