He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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