I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
