If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
