Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
