I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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