Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
