Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
