She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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