I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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