Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
