I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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