i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
